Trinity Blood: Adia
by Lil-Rahl
Summary: In the midst of paying his respect to someone dear. Abel realizes how one person's life is as important as any other and how one life can change the out look of many. And how one person's life changed him for the better. Read and Review!
1. Chapter 1

It's been a very long time since I tried my hand at writing another story about Abel. This one will be a little different and perhaps darker than my other stories. I'm just venturing out a bit and trying something new. Review and tell me what you think.

Disclaimer applies: I do not own Trinity Blood

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She noticed it almost immediately when he had walked into the room. The way his shoulders were hung, the dragging of his feet and the ever present look of complete sadness and grief in his eye. There was something truly wrong with Father Nightroad today. Though Sister Esther couldn't quite put her finger on it. Though the sight of him sent cold pins into her heart. She hated to see any one of her dear friends in any pain, most of all him. She sat silently and watched her friend and co-worker give his report to Lady Caterina. Abel looked as if he had been dragged through an iron press and left outside to dry. What could be giving him so much grief? It had been a fairly simple mission of escorting a new bishop to a church in the south. It bothered Esther that she couldn't figure it out. If only she knew more about him. She had always hated the fact that Abel was a mystery to her.

"So..." Caterina looked over her teacup. "You had no problems what so ever, I presume?"

"Not one." He spoke blandly. Esther wondered if Lady Caterina noticed the pain in his eye. It wasn't hard to miss. He was practically begging for solace and comfort with them. She wanted to jump out of her chair and wave guide markers in front of Caterina's face. The cardinal took a long sip of her herbal tea, before setting back down, she sighed out loud, before looking back up at her old friend.

"I know your itching to go. So take the rest of the day off. Send my condolences like always." Esther titled her head to side, slightly confused, by her employer's words. Condolences? Who died? Why hadn't she been notified?

"Thank you." Abel bowed slightly, before retreating the room. Esther waited until the door was fully closed before she started her game of twenty questions.

"What does he mean, my lady?" Caterina quickly turned her head and looked at the nun, almost as if she had forgotten that Esther was in the room.

"It's private Esther." She spoke shortly.

"But... He looks so sad. Isn't there anything I could do from him?"

"No...Give Father Nightroad time."

"So who died then?" Caterina lowered her eyes to Esther.

"That is a very private matter. If Father Nightroad wanted you to know he would have told you." Esther gasped slightly at the cardinal's words. She had apparently forgotten that she was talking face to face to the Woman of Steel herself. She gulped nervously. "Never mind that now. I need you to run an errand for me." She handed Esther a light blue envelope. "I need this delivered to his holiness as soon as possible." Esther nodded. "Afterwards please feel to enjoy that rest of the afternoon off, but please leave our dear Abel alone. This has always been a difficult time of year for him." Esther nodded again and quickly left the cardinal's office. Esther glanced around the hallway, hoping that the priest was still wandering around. She was hoping to catch him and ask him personally. Though she knew that she would pay for it later. Unfortunately, she noticed that the six-foot priest had disappeared without a trace.

"Father Nightroad?" She called out, crossing her fingers that he would hear her. No such luck. How did he disappear so quickly? "Where did you go?" Esther hoped someone would answer her question. No such luck.

~0^0~

Esther sat outside in one of the Vatican's many gardens later that day. Her heart filled with much grief. She had practically search the entire grounds of the Vatican looking for her friend, Abel. She wanted ever so badly to ask anyone if they had seen him, though was quiet nervous that her snooping would be reported to her employer. Instead, she hoped that if she kept an eye out, she would be able to spot him. How many six foot silver haired priests worked for the Vatican anyway?

"If only he wasn't so mysterious." She spoke softly to herself. "Perhaps I would not be this curious and drawn to him." True enough, Esther hardly knew a thing about the priest, aside from his atrocious eating habits, inopportune time of saving her, their fellow colleagues and...black wings. She sometimes wondered where he got those wings and why were they atonement for his sins? What sins could a priest have that would cause him to believe that a lovely gift, such as wings, were a sin in the first place?

Esther had once tried to question him about them and he had immediately changed the subject. So did most of their colleagues. Cardinal Caterina, on the other hand, stated that the information was classified and any more snooping would result in a write up. Those words only made Esther want to find out more. She was practically addicted to being curious.

"Don't be too long..." Esther pulled herself out of her thoughts long enough to hear a familiar voice call out. It was Sister Kate. "You know how we get when you stay down there too long."

"I know..." Esther's eyes lit up. It was Abel. "I'll try not to stay to long."

"Please give my condolences as well. I'll say a prayer tonight." Esther stood up and noticed the two not far away. She could still see the sadness and grief in his eyes.

"Thank you, Kate." He gave her a sad smile. "Until later then? Perhaps some of your herbal tea?"

"Anything for you Abel." Kate smiled. Abel turned and started heading off, while the hologram nun disappeared. Sister Esther took her chances and headed after the priest.

~O^O~

The sun was starting to set west, as Abel made his way down a very familiar path. One that he took every time this time of year and one that a part of him wished he never had to take. Still, with out her light and wisdom, he probably would have withered in the pits of hell much longer than he already had. Visiting her on the anniversary of her death was sort of a penance for him. He owed it to her. Even after all this time. Lilith would always out shine him, no matter what.

He was running a little late this year. The sudden mission Caterina had ordered on him at the last minute had taken him two hours south just to deliver a new bishop. He would probably have to write a very long apology letter to the man for his brash behavior. He could only assume why Caterina asked for him to take the mission. She hated it when he crept back into the catacombs. _"I don't want another nine hundred years to pass by before you emerge." _Why she ever thought that he would return to that lifestyle was a complete mystery. Abel had sworn to himself to right his wrongs and hopefully one day erase all the blood that was strained on his hands.

He only stayed a few hours in her tomb, a day at the most. Mostly talking out loud. Telling his deceased friend of all his accomplishment he had made throughout the year. Sure...he had once in great while fell asleep there, but he also showed up when his vacation day was over. This year he was going to have much more to stories to tell her, mostly because of his new sidekick, Miss Esther Blanchett. A notorious red hair woman with a temper that could revival his own when she was mad.

He was quite proud of her and was extremely excited to share the news with anyone who would listen. Since he had found her on the streets of Istvan, Esther had shown a courage that was not shown in many nuns outside of Rome. Though she could be misguided in her path, like everyone else can. She wasn't afraid to pick up the pieces and continue on. That includes that fateful night on the streets on Carthage.

He had regretted having to show her _that_ form. He hated it when people saw those razor sharp wings, the dangerous claws, and the blood red eyes. It was always the same look in their eyes. Fear. Then those haunting words would escape their lips. _Monster._ Esther was no different...at first. In the end, she turned out to be quite curious about the crusnik and would try and corner him for interrogation any chance she could. He was starting to run out of idea to distract her and pretty soon she'd figure out the he didn't want her to know. He was hoping to save her the time to pity him. He enjoyed her friendship the way it was and wished she keep it to that.

"Father Nightroad..." Abel stopped dead in his tracks. _Speak of the devil and he shall appear._ He turned slowly and came to view Sister Esther running to catch up with him. He hoped it wasn't time for another game of twenty questions. He really wasn't in the mood. Still, he tried to put his best foot forward and attempted to smile.

"Good evening Esther."

"Good evening." She stopped in front of him. "I've been looking all over for you. You are a rather difficult person to find, you know." His smiled widened. He had been counting on that. "I was wondering if I could ask you something." His hope sunk deep into the pit of his stomach. Not this. Not now.

"Maybe later, Esther. I'm running late." He tried to brush her off politely.

"Just one question. I promise. I just wanted..."

"Esther..." He said a little more sternly. "Later. I am in no mood for games tonight."

"I know..." She spoke hastily. "But I've been worried all afternoon, after your report. I just wanted to know who did you lose?" Abel thought at that moment his heart had stopped beating. This wasn't the question that he thought she would ask. This wasn't her business and he planned on keeping it that way.

"It's personal, Esther and I would hope that you would respect my wishes and drop it." His voice held a slight hint of anger.

"It's just that I heard Cardinal Caterina and Sister Kate give their condolences. I thought that maybe I could..."

"No Esther. Please drop this. I do not wish to discuss this matter with." Abel could see tears starting to form in her eyes.

"Is it because I'm not as superior as Caterina or Kate?" She yelled. Before Abel could even speak, Esther grabbed the front of his cassock and gently shook him. "Why are you such a mystery to me? Why? Do you not care about me?" Taken slighted back by her forwardness, Abel stumbled to try and find the words that seemed to have disappeared on the tip of his tongue. "You are one of my dearest friends." A tear cascaded down her cheek. "You have been my savior on numerous occasion and always someone I can rely on. Why can't I be the same for you? WHAT ARE YOU NOT TELLING ME?"

"Esther." Abel growled at her and yanked her hands off his clothes. "If you are intent on being my friend you would respect my wishes and my privacy." Esther lowered her head and sunk to the ground. The tears were falling more freely.

"Of course." She muttered. "Because if you wanted me to know, you would have told me."

"Precisely." He hoped she understood why he had to be so forward. What he was saving her from. His tale was not for the faint at heart. It pained him to see her hurt, but this was for the better, she wasn't meant to have such nightmare, she was far too innocent. Esther sat on the ground crying silently to herself. Abel had no idea what to do. He was running even later than he expected now, but his heart didn't want to leave it at just this.

"Just go..." she mumbled between her tears. "I know you want to..." Her voice was tearing Abel to pieces. He leaned forward and patted her lightly on the head.

"Trust me when I say that it's better this way. I'll see you later, Miss Esther."

Abel didn't look back once as he strolled away. He tried very hard to ignore her small muffled cries. Though on the winds, he was almost positive he heard he voice.

"_I'm worthless."_

~O^O~

"Good Evening." He spoke as her coffin came into view. "Sorry I'm late. I was a tad bit sidetrack on the way here." As always, the beautiful maiden lay deadly still beneath the glass. Looking as if she was merely sleeping, instead of the reality and remembrance of her beheading. Her skin completion still kept its lovely tone of coffee cream and perhaps a slight hue on each cheek.

"Caterina and Kate send their condolence to you. As they do every year." Abel stopped at her side and looked down upon her. A tiny hope in the back of his head hoping that she would open her eyes and smile at him. He placed a hand on the glass and look upon her. How he wished he could turn back time and perhaps save her from his twin brother. He missed her smiles, her thoughtfulness, but most of all, Abel missed her wisdom.

Lilith's wisdom was what enriched Abel's life now. Remembering her strong words of encouragement and hope, always gave him the strength to carry onward and do good. It was those reasons and many more that earned her the honor of the Black Saint.

"I have so many stories to tell you this year..." he started. "I don't know where to even start." He did though, as he thought about another redhead, whom he had walked off on in her time of need. He felt a sprig of guilt crawl over him again, before he washed it away.

"We have a new member in the Ministry of Holy Affairs, she's quite the character. She reminds me of you sometimes. Her name is Esther Blanchett. She's the toughest girl I've ever seen, aside from you and Seth. She's not even afraid to go up against the Rosenkruez. She has talent, a lot of talent and I'm very proud of all the progress she has made since she's came to Rome."

Truth be told, the Priest was as bright as a sunspot when people praised Esther for her good work. Always impressed with her kindness and amazed by her will to succeed.

"She even saw my other half..." he mumbled. "And still she's not afraid of me." Abel could only imagine what Lilith would say. _"It's seems that you've met you match, Abel."_

"She's a good person. A tad bit on the curious side, but still a good person."

He went on to tell her how the two of them had met and of all the tragedy that followed the young girl. He left nothing out. He told her of catching up with Seth in the Empire and of all the good work she had been doing, plus all the new people he met while in Byzantium. Once he had finished with every story he could think of, Abel let out a loud and long sigh. He truly did miss her, more than anything.

"I sometimes wish what happen, never happen. I still have nightmares about that day. I know Sister Kate has noticed. She once mentioned hearing me scream in my sleep."

A week didn't go by that Abel didn't dream about the frightful event. His brother's rejoicing words in his ear, the soft splashing of fresh blood on the cement, and the sight...even the thought of trying to remember the gory detail brought deathly shivers upon the priest. In all respect he sometimes wished that the pain wasn't real at all.

"I try not to think of the pain sometimes. There are days that I feel that it'll consume me if I let it." He sighed deeply and shook uncontrollably. He felt weak. He hated that feeling. "I sometime wish you were a figment of my imagination." He blurted out. "Then it would probably be easier to deal with things. Maybe I would be able to move on and live." A single tear crawled slowly down the priest cheek.

"I'm so sorry. I never meant to be such a failure." He felt a wave of emotions wash over him and before he knew it, Abel was sobbing relentlessly over Lilith's coffin.

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Read and Review Please!

Lil~Rahl( A divison of Crusniks~R~Us)


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Abel's head felt heavy with sleepiness. He inhaled slowly and took in the scent quite familiar to him. It smelled of fresh Caramias with just a hint of rosemary. Each time he inhaled, the scent sent a warm sensation throughout his body, dragging him deeper and deeper into a somber sleep.

"You always carried the weight of the world on your shoulders" He heard. "Always thinking you have to do everything on your own. Such a childish act."

"Am not." Abel mumbled in his sleep. A warm hand slowly brushed a few strands out hair out of his face. A soft laugh echoed through his ears. Abel fought to open his eyes. When had he fallen asleep in the first place? How long had he been asleep? He fought once more with his eyelids. They felt as if they had been sealed shut with epoxy. He groaned loudly at his failure. A light and happy laughed filled his ears again.

"Always the heavy sleeper." He could hear the smile in their voice. Who ever they were they sounded very familiar. So much that it made Abel's skin crawl.

"Abel." The voice drew his name out. Abel tried once again to open his eyes. This time he managed to slightly open his left eye a smidgen. He saw long locks of red hair. Esther? No...Esther hair wasn't that long.

"Abel." The voice called out again. "Get up sleepy head." The poor priest laid still and pondered who else he knew that had red hair, that scent, and that lovely laugh. The answer he came up with shook him very terribly.

Once more Abel attempted to pry his eyes open, hoping to get a better look at the person. This time he succeeded, even though he wished he hadn't. Looking down at him was the lovely Black Saint herself, Lilith Sahl. He felt his throat fall into his gut and his mind started reeling. Lilith was supposed to be dead; he had seen his brother proudly hold up her detached head and he held her headless body. This wasn't possible. He slowly inched his left hand up to his neck and pinch.

"Ouch." He squeaked. Nope this wasn't a dream. He looked back up at Lilith, as she gazed down at him, a warm smiled painted on her lips.

"Good Morning, sleepy head." She spoke softly. "Did you sleep well?" Abel gulped once or twice, trying to find the correct words.

"Are you sure I'm still not sleeping?" Lilith laughed softly and shook her head no.

"Not really. I've been waiting for you to open those eyes of yours. You've been out for a while. Are you still having trouble getting used to the twenty four cycle here?"

"No." He retorted like a child. She laughed. His head was still reeling from this impossibility. The Black Saint had been dead for centuries. Yet she sat here, with his head in her lap, laughing quite lively. He had to been dreaming. There was no way around it, but then his neck wouldn't be hurting from the tested pinch. Something was up.

"You looked confused." She spoke.

"A bit."

"How come?" Abel shook his head and sighed.

"You're not real."

"I thought we were past that part?"

"Then I'm asleep."

"Nope, not really."

"Then you're a ghost. Come back to haunt me for my failures." Lilith looked at him, quite speechless at his sentence. "That's it, isn't it?" Abel quickly jumped to his feet and started pacing the room. Mumbling irate words at himself.

"Abel...this isn't what you think. This is..."

"Another mark of my sins? Something else to prove that I'll never wash these bloodstains from my hands? That I'll..."

"Stop it!" she shouted. Stopping the priest dead in his tracks. The Black Saint got to her feet and faced the upset priest. "Who said you were a failure? Who?" She grabbed his hands and turned them over. "Who said your hands was stained in blood." He stood speechless. "Abel, I came here to help you, not to haunt you."

"Help?" he asked confused. Why was she here to help him? Lilith gave him a somber smile.

"I heard you words." Abel's face turned as pale as his hair.

"Which ones?"

"The ones were you stated that you wish I was imaginary."

"Oh." Abel bit his bottom lip. This wasn't what he expected when he decided to open up about his feelings.

"Do you really think life would be better if I didn't exist?" Abel lowered his head. "ABEL!"

"Sometimes." He blurted out. " Sometimes... it helps with the grieving process." Lilith crossed her arms and started at him. Apparently his excuse wasn't good enough.

"Do you think that my life was meaningless?" He shook his head no. "Didn't I always tell you that every life has a purpose?" Abel knew that whatever he said would get a reaction on of Lilith "Expect for mine of course." She added, when he didn't answer. " Don't you ever look at the glass half full?" Abel didn't answer. He didn't want to upset Lilith more than he already had. "Abel do you even know how different things would be if I never existed." He shook his head no. Lilith sighed loudly. "I thinks its time you did." The look on her face was quite grim. Abel wondered what it meant. Hopefully it wasn't something bad.

"Abel...every life is a gift, even yours and mine. We all were put here for a reason and when one life is taken away it can greatly affect the balance." Lilith held out her hand to him. "Come...there is much to see and learn." The priest was slightly nervous by her actions. Could she be right? If she was, he was worried about what he would discover. What would it be? He paused for a moment while he thought on what to do next. Should he listen to her? Lilith had never pointed him in the wrong direction. Why would she start now?

"Don't be afraid, Abel." She stretched her hand further out to him. He eyed it with suspicion

"Will it hurt?" he thought out loud. Lilith's smile brightened.

"Holding my hand won't be the painful part."

"What will then?"

"The enlightenment and discovery."

"Of what?"

"You'll see. Take my hand." Abel was still unsure. "Trust me..." she spoke. Slowly he edged his hand into hers. Her fingers wrapped around his and Abel felt a warm surge of energy shoot through her hand and into his body. Lilith laughed slightly.

"It helps if you close your eyes. It helps with the nausea." The energy shooting through his body increased and the priest felt uncomfortably warm. Before Abel could ask her what she meant, he felt the weight of his body increase and the room suddenly started to change very quickly. Flashes of light exploded in front his eyes, giving him a terrible headache.

"Close your eyes Abel. It'll be over soon." Her words filled his already ringing ears. He quickly shut his eyes and almost instantly his headache subsided. Though through his eyelids he could still see some of the bright flashes and his weight was starting to become on bearable. Abel felt as if every bone in his body was going to be turned into dust.

Before Abel could ask how much longer the painful feeling was going to last, it ended. The weight disappeared and the last of the bright flashing lights dissipated. He was a little nervous to open his eyes, as held tightly on to Lilith's hand.

"Are you alright?" she asked. Abel only nodded, keeping his eyes tightly closed. "It's a rather unpleasant. I never got used to it either." She squeezed his hand tightly. "It's over though. You can open your eyes." He hesitated, before squinting. The room was brightly lit, with large windows looking out into darkness. Everything was white and clean, much like a very sterile hospital. It also felt like a home away from home, lost somewhere within the depths of his mind.

"I know this place." He spoke up. "I know this room." His mind was reeling through ever single memory in his mind trying to remember this room. His stomach nearly flipped when one extremely vivid memory came to view. He had been in the room once before, when his mad brother delivered a decapitated head, dripping pools of blood in his wake. He felt his color leave his cheeks.

"I'm assuming you remember now?"

"It's not a memory I wish to relive." He added. "It gives me nightmares."

"But...it happen for a purpose, did it not? I mean...I for one wished what happen never did, but the choice wasn't for me to make. I was called home."

"No you weren't. _He_ took you away from us." The very thought of his brother and his insanely evil deeds made his blood boil in his veins. "How can you call _THAT _going home?" Lilith rubbed her neck softly.

"Because I accepted it and I know that it was my sacrifice that made the world a better place." Abel didn't like her words.

"How can you say that?" he retorted. "Nothing has changed." Lilith smiled back at him.

"You still have much to learn. Come on..." she gestured. "Let's go for a walk." She didn't even wait for his answer, before she started venturing down the halls. Abel bit his lip wondering if venture around was a very good idea after all. The place seemed deserted. Perhaps this was after all a figment of his imagination.

The two walked in silence for the longest time. Lilith would sometimes stop at a doorway and peer in. A small smile would grace her lips or a laugh. Abel enjoyed seeing her like this. It gave him some small comfort that she was at least happy. On the other hand, Abel was on the edge of sheer panic. A part of his brain was still trying to figure out Lilith could be real if he wasn't dreaming.

"You were such a handful when you were younger." She finally spoke up, as they turned down another corridor. "You had so much anger in you that I sometimes wonder if you were going to drown in it. But when I look at you now...I don't see it."

"I was also a teenager. I had teen angst or whatever they call it." Lilith shook her head.

"No...It was deeper than that." She paused in the hallway and looked at the priest. "Abel...did you forget that you used to come to me when you were troubled? We would sit in kitchen, drink milk tea, and wonder why things were the way they were." Abel nodded. How could he ever forget a minute he had ever spent with her? They were practically etched into the back of his skull. "I know that you had troubles with how we came into the life. I know that you thought that it wasn't fair and that you weren't given a chance. I also know that you had a slight jealously twinge that people looked more towards your twin than you."

Abel opened his mouth to object, but what could he object to? It was true that a part of him was jealous, but back then even he looked up to his brother. Cain seemed to be so well put together that most people could not understand how the two could be related let alone twins. Though if Abel knew then what he did now, he would have tried to be a better brother towards him, and then perhaps the Contra Mundi would never existed and Lilith would still be alive.

"But the good thing was that we had each other." Lilith reached out and squeezed his hand. "And you had Seth...She really looked up you." Abel rolled his eyes. It was more the other way now. Seth was off ruling the Empire these days. He hadn't had contact with her in sometime and wonder if she was upset his absences.

"You make it sound as if I had everything I wanted." He blurted out.

"Not what you wanted, but you needed. You had family that loved you and you always had me there when you were having a bad day. What do you think life would be like if you didn't have that?"

Once again, Abel didn't know how to answer. To be honest, he still didn't know how her life had truly impacted him. He decided to keep his mouth shut and hopefully she'd continue talking. Lilith cocked her head to the side and set her hands on her hips.

"Well?" Abel gulped and tugged at his cassock. Lilith shook her head. "I guess you're going to have to learn the hard way...like always." She started walking down the corridor again. "Come on. There is much to see." Abel followed her like an old lost mutt. "And much to learn." They walked in silence together. At times, Abel was sure that he heard the voices of other people on board. He wondered if he should ask Lilith, but after rethinking it, he decided to hold off.

It wasn't much longer after that thought a woman with short light brown hair turned the corner and headed toward them. Abel moved to the side of the hall to make way for her, but Lilith carried head on. He was about the grab her out of the way, when the woman walked through the Lilith. Just like a hologram.

"They can't see. We are merely ghost here." She announced.

"Slightly disturbing." He added. Lilith laughed out loud.

"I know how you feel. It took me awhile to get used to it too." Soon after more people appeared in the hall. Abel recognized a few of them. A couple of them had been close comrades of his twin. There were none that he knew by name. He wondered if he should feel guilty that he never got to know any of them. He knew most of the people in the Vatican by name. Abel was so lost within his thoughts that he didn't notice Lilith stop, until he bumped into her.

"Sorry...I didn't see..." the rest of the sentence was completely forgotten by now. His gazed was focused on the person in front of Lilith. If there was one thing in knew about his time on the Arc. There was only one person that ever lived on the Arc that had silvery blond hair.

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Review Please

Lil~Rahl (A division of Crusniks~R~Us)


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

If it wasn't for the fact he had already pinched himself. Able would have done so again. His younger self was leaning against the hall corridor, looking as bored as bored can be. His arms were firmly crossed over his chest and a scowl etched on his eyebrows. A look that was all too familiar to Abel. How many times had he carried that look on his face whenever a subordinate violated a code of conduct, his very own brother twisting horrible untruths, or worse... he was deep within his very own self hatred of every living thing.

He then thought how very lucky he was to always have Lilith on his side. She had always been able to pull him out of his bad moods. It was practically a talent of hers. Abel watched his younger counterpart closely. It pained him that no one stopped to check on him. He had never been popular when he was aboard the ARC. Everyone had preferred his brother or sister to him. Watching the scene brought up painful memories that he wanted to never thing of again.

"So you remember then?" Lilith asked. Abel could only nodded. No words could express how much he remembered this part of his life. He sometimes wished he could forget it. "You were so lost."

"But I had you to light my way." Lilith sighed and shook her head.

"Not here. This is what life would have been like without me." He looked at her quite confused. " Don't you remember what I said earlier?" Abel thought for a moment. He did remember her asking him if he knew how different things would have been without her. He didn't really think she would show him.

"This is what your life would have been like if I was never existed." She answered. "I want you to see that every person has a purpose. Regardless of how small it is." He nodded, trying to think of how different his life could truly have been without Lilith.

"Well..." He gulped. "If you never existed, I would have never had someone to take my side, but I don't see how that fits into everything." She smiled warmly at him and squeezed his hand slightly.

"You will in time. Sometimes the effects at the beginning are so small that we don't see them until they grow. This is just the start Abel, but it does help tell your story." Lilith pointed at his younger version. "You always felt alone in the world, that you had been betrayed. How do you think things would have gone without guidance and love?" Abel nodded with understanding and had a gut feeling that the ending of this lesson was going to be a painful one. He opened his mouth preparing to apologize for his earlier words, when she shushed him and pointed over to his young counterpart.

He still was leaning against the wall; anyone looking him could tell something was upsetting the poor boy. Though no one looked over his way or even offer help. He was a wallflower, no not a flower. The people passing him treated him more like a weed, than a flower.

"Abel..." a soft voice spoke. He knew that voice anywhere and quickly glanced down the hall. His dear sister Seth, when she looked not much older than a six year old, was running down the hall. "Abel..." The younger counterpart continued to ignore her, something that entirely upset Abel. When they were younger, Abel and Seth were very close. She had always looked up to him, and Abel was proud of that fact. Seth had been one that truly understood him and he valued that about his sister. Seth stopped in front of young Abel and tugged on his tunic. The boy didn't even give her a passing glance.

"What do you want?" he spoke sourly. Older Abel growled at his antic. How dare he treat her like that! Seth didn't seem taken back by his rudeness. It was like she was used to this. It sent a guilt trip straight to the pit of Abel's stomach.

"Cain is looking for you." Abel watched as Lilith slightly shivered. He tried so hard not to think of that name. Though now it seemed clearly impossible. If this truly was his past, Cain would, more than likely appear somewhere. He was the clear and ever present thorn in Abel's side. His younger counterpart looked down at their sister.

"What does he want?"

"Something about a search procedure he wants you to go out on, about an abandon ship. I'm not sure. He wasn't precisely clear on it." The boy nodded and shoved himself off the wall.

"Very well." He muttered. He passed Seth without even glancing at her.

"You seem very cold towards your sister." Lilith spoke up.

"I would never treat her like that. I love Seth."

"Ah...but this is what life would like if I had never existed. Without me there to help your control, this is how things would have unraveled." Abel disagreed.

"That's impossible. I love my sister. I would never turn my back on her."

"That's what you say, because things were different. This time though no one was there to help fight off your temper. You became a loner, as you can see. Eventually you turned your back on her."

"Never." He growled.

"If you say so..." Lilith turned and looked onto him. "Has there not been a time that you perhaps yelled at her?" Abel thought back to his time on the ARC. Back then, his only real friends had been Lilith and Seth. Though he had been much closer to Lilith. He had never run to Seth when he was in need of comfort. It had been the other way around. Seth had looked up to Abel, but now...He hated to admit it but Lilith seemed right. Without her love and understanding, he probably would have dwindled in a downward spiral. Just like what he saw in front of him.

"Would you like to see more?"

"What choice do I have?" Lilith smiled.

"You're starting to catch on. You must go forward to get back. There is still much to see."

They started off after Abel's younger version, Lilith gliding softly next to him, humming a tune to herself. Abel's mind was spinning inside him. He knew what was going to happen next. Seth had mentioned it to his counterpart earlier. '_Abandon Spaceship.'_ He had been there before. Nearly died too, when his air ran low. If it hadn't been for Lilith...he gulped. Surely he wasn't going to actually die this time. Although...if he did die then the bacillus and krusnik nanomachine would cease to be discovered. The Contra Mundi would never exist.

He was still sicken by the thought his twin. He sometimes wondered how it was even possible that at one time he truly cared for him. How had he not seen the trouble that was brewing behind those familiar eyes? Perhaps if he had seen the signs earlier... nothing would have changed. Lilith would still be dead and Abel would be forever mourning over her life.

"Still thinking to hard?" Lilith asked.

"Not sure." He shrugged. "It's a tad bit confusing right now."

"It always is at first. Pretty soon you'll understand why I'm showing you this."

"Not that." Abel stopped her. "I mean I know I'm slightly confused about that as well, but I was thinking about..." Saying his name was like drinking poison. "Him."

"Him?" She asked. He sighed, there was no way getting around this.

"My brother, Cain. The one that started all this mayhem."

"Oh. Him..." she laughed slightly. "What's so hard to figure out?"

"How did I miss the signs? He was my twin; I should have known him like the back of my hand, yet when he took you away from us, I never expected it. I feel like I let everyone down."

"I knew what was going to happen." Abel looked at her closely.

"Seriously?" She nodded.

"What you don't understand is that you and Cain are very much alike. You both were angry at the world. Its just he knew how to hide it better. I figured one of you was going to be the end of me." Abel was quite taken back by her words. Hurt that she thought that he would ever think to cause her any bodily harm. Lilith didn't seem to take noticed and continued talking.

"It's nothing to be ashamed of. It was a different time back then and you were a very different person."

It wasn't long before they watched young Abel turn into a smaller hallway and finally into a room. Lilith and Abel quickly followed, Abel trying to avoid every person in the hallway. He felt a tad bit uncomfortable walking through them still.

"Took you long enough." A voice spoke out loud. It was one Abel wished he could forget. Cain. The two turned into the room and found the twins facing each other.

"Did you have to send the annoying brat to do your dirty work?" the silvered hair boy sneered, his twin, Cain, smiled grimly. "I would prefer if you came to me with missions. I don't want to deal with insignificant people." The priest growled loudly.

"Seth always feels left out. She is our sister after all." The younger Abel glared.

"She is not my sister! And you are not by brother. We were created in test tubes for the greater good." Cain nodded politely.

"True enough. We have always stuck together." He stepped closer and placed a hand on Abel's shoulder. "And I will always think of you as a brother." Abel growled and shook his hand off.

"What did you want did you want from me anyway? I know it wasn't just to chat."

"Straight to business as always." Cain smiled.

"Business that I am still waiting on. I don't have all damn day."

"Such language." Lilith mentioned. "I hope your mouth isn't as dirty as that." The priest didn't speak; he was going to have to plead the fifth. "Come. I think we've seen enough here." She turned and headed out of the room and down the corridor. Abel followed.

"But...wasn't I supposed to learn a lesson?"

"Oh! You are...but like I said that it would take time to sink in. Don't worry. By the end of this you will understand." She held out her hand again. He graciously accepted.

"Don't forget to close your eyes again."

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Lil~Rahl (A division of Crusniks~R~Us)


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

He was once again dreaded opening his eyes. Would it be worse than before? What would she show him? A slight breeze blew silvery wisps of his hair into the air and a retched stench of decaying blood filled his nostrils. Nope...he truly did NOT want to open his eyes.

"It's not as bad as it seems." Lilith spoke. Abel lifted his right eyebrow in context. She laughed full heartedly. "I'm serious. Open your eyes." Abel grumbled lowly to himself before taking a peek. He knew this place too, another painful memory that he never wanted to revisit. Paris. He remembered, all too well, when he, along with his sibling, commanded the Returners against the Terrans. They had been undefeated up until then. They obliterated all that opposed them and slaughtered all prisoners. It was also apart of Abel's darkest times. He was in the mist of his deep depression and used his anger out on many that did not deserve it.

Unfortunately for the Nightlord siblings and those they commanded. Lilith was commanding the Terrans. The three had been in outright shock over the sight of her leading the humans, nor would they fight against her. Regardless of what side she fought on, they still loved her. In the end, they had lost the battle and the Terrans now had the upper hand, as Lilith was delivering technology to the Vatican. It was also the time when Cain started to distance himself from his siblings. Abel should have noticed it then. Perhaps he still could have saved Lilith from the gory fate that was coming.

"I was so nervous." She spoke. "I didn't know what would happen when you found me leading Vatican troops. I didn't want to fight you all, but I was prepared."

"Seth and I would never raise a hand to you." Abel announced. "Regardless of our different opinions, the fact still remained that we still loved you." Lilith smiled gently at him, before squeezing his shoulder slightly. "So what's the importance of this?"

"Isn't it obvious?" she asked. Abel shook his head no. "Think about it. How would this event be different if I had never existed?" Abel choked. It was that obvious.

"The Terrans probably would have lost." She nodded. "And then..."

"Then the world that you know now would never exist. Some people that you have come to cherish in your life would never have been born. Think about it, every little thing that you take for granted would be absolutely different." He let her words sink in deep. People he cherished never existed? One person crossed his mind and to think of a world without her would be quite unbearable. Perhaps he should have understood when Esther tried to console him. It was in her good nature to be a caring and quite considerate person. He would make it up to her somehow later...when he had parted from Lilith and returned.

They walked silently down the street. Not a single living soul ventured out of the badly damaged buildings. It was if death had truly sucked the life out of the entire town. Though it wasn't death that had done the dirty deed. Instead the guilt would lie in Abel's hands. He gulped at that knowledge. The stench of decaying tissue still penetrated his nostrils. They had to be getting closer to the source. He looked at Lilith for what course they should take. Was she really going to expose him to the sight of rotting death? As kind hearted as she was, Abel wouldn't put it past her to do it, after all, wasn't she teaching him a lesson? Pretty soon, he could make out the snarls of dogs and cawing of crows. His stomach started churning. He didn't want to see anymore.

"Will you calm down?" Lilith spoke clearly. "I won't take you to see them. Though I do think it would serve you some good, but even I do not want to be haunted by that sight either."

"Was this all my doing?" he asked very nervously. Lilith looked at the ground and simply nodded.

"Without me there to help defend the Terrans. You and Cain wiped them all out. No one stood a chance. This battle was the turning point in the war. Without me...you and Cain over turned the Vatican, murdered the Pope and most the clergy. Only a few survive and they are all in hiding. Mostly in the dark continent."

"So the smell...?"

"Mass Graves, hundreds of them. Perhaps even thousands. After the battles, you let the Methuselah run ramped through towns and cities. Feeding off the dead and the living. Raping the women and children and dumping the empty bodies in the massive pits, before searching for the next meal and entertainment." The thought of Lilith's words and the stagnant smell, made Abel heave.

"Surely I would never let anymore...assault a woman, let alone a child."

"Ah..."Lilith countered. "But you are thinking like you again. Think about what you would have been like without my guidance and understanding. Who do you think you have turned to if not for me?" Only person Abel could think of was Cain, but surely he...Abel disregarded that thought. Of course he would follow Cain.

"I should have at least stopped them from plundering the blood of the innocent."

"But in the eyes of the Abel, who lives in this world, who is innocent? Who is guilty? And who should be punished?" Again, she was right. Who truly was innocent? Shame spread through his body, as he slumped his shoulders lower to the ground. He hated the fact that she was (like always) right, and he was already wishing he could take back his earlier words. Did he take everything in his world for granted? He worked hard, if not harder, than the rest of the clergy. He strived to never kill. He was trying to do well, even though he was terribly marked by his sins.

"Do you see how something can change without one person's life?" He nodded. "Think about it. How many Terrans died here that shouldn't have? Perhaps some of the people you call friends were never born. Did you ever think of that?" He gasped loudly.

"Like who?" Lilith sighed.

"Good friends, such as Noelle, Leon, William to start. Their ancestors died in this battle. They would cease to even exist, but that's only three...there are probably more." Abel could only think of two at the moment. Lady Caterina and Esther. His gut twitched. Did they not exist because of this battle? And what about his Methuselah friends, Asthe and Ion? What would happen to them?

"And the Empire?" he questioned.

"Is run by Cain, not Seth. I don't think I have to tell you how it is run." She didn't. Cain would be running like a military encampment. His friends would not be as caring and open about Terran/Methuselah relations. They would probably destroy on sight.

"Seth?"

"She over see parts on the Empire, under your twin's command of course.?

"And I?"

"You..."Lilith paused. Abel could only assume that she was choosing the next words carefully. "Let's just say, that if Cain in overseeing the Empire. You are more or less running the military."

"So all of this...?" He looked around once more at the abandoned streets.

"Was at your hand." He gulped. "And you thought your hands were stained now." She smiled. Not that it made Abel feel any better. "I know that this all a lot to taken in at once, but think about this and the vision on the Ark. How different life was. Does it make sense now?" He nodded. "Whether we end up as sinners or patrons. We are all born innocent. It is the falters in our lives that shift us on different paths of righteousness. The Abel in this world, thought negatively of the life he was given and with wrong misguided judgment, walked down a path that he'll never pull himself out of. He's going to burn. There is now other way around that. You on the other hand..." she turned and faced Abel. A soft smiled chiseled on her lips.

"You started to venture down the same road, but you faltered and believed that you had failed me. That you had let me down, but you didn't."

"I did..." He interrupted. "I let him...," he thought back to the white room covered in her blood.

"Abel." She held his hand tightly. "My death was what took you off the wrong path and set you back on the right one. You never failed me. On the contrary, you honor me by continuing my good work." He shivered from her words. He wanted to cry, but held firmly to his will power. He didn't want to shed a tear in her presence.

"But...even though you are now on the right path, you still carry the heavy chains you guilt. Those chains keep dragging you back towards the wrong path and what worries me is that you let this go on willing. All these years, you mourn over an act that you had no part of. I have accepted my death and I think it's high time that you did to. There will be no healing if you do not."

"But what if I'm not ready to let go?" Lilith sighed and hung her head low.

"Oh...Abel. I didn't want it to come to this."

"Come to what."

"There are still two more visions. I was hoping you would see enlightenment with only the first two, so I could save you the pain of seeing the next ones." Abel felt his blood leave his cheeks. For a second, he thought his heart had stopped too. There were still two more visions? What could be worse that what he had seen so far? He sighed heavily, as if trying to release any fear he still had clinging to him. He reached out for her hand. She took it hesitantly.

"I'm sorry Abel...please believe me when I say that I only show you this for your own good."

"I know." He mumbled waiting for what was to come. Pretty soon the warm pressure spread through his body. Bright lights danced in front of his tightly closed eyes.

"I'm so sorry Abel. Please forgive me." Lilith voiced again. He wondered what in god's good name could be so terrible to show him. What other crimes had he committed? He thought back to the time when Lilith was still alive. After the defeat in Paris, he wasn't as aggressive and it was a few months later that Lilith met her end. Was there something important there that he missed? Through the bright lights and heavy pressure, he was certain that he could hear a young girl's voice. She sounded very familiar.

"Mommy?" the young girl voiced very loud this time. She sounded frightened. Abel opened his eyes and looked at the girl. A loud gasped left his mouth before he could stop it.

"No!" He shouted, pulling his hand away from Lilith. "Not here. Anything but this."

"I'm sorry Abel...it's for your own good." Abel looked down at a very young Caterina and felt hot tears roll down his eyes. "I'm sorry."

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Lil~Rahl (A division of Crusniks-R-Us)


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